Day 1313;
So today was the double unlucky day. 21.88 was my BMI for this the unluckiest of days, so I hope your ready for the following heap of... I don't know what to call it but misfortune maybe? I don't even know why I typed it.
Breakfast: cereal, apple and banana.
Lunch: porkpie, scotch eggs, mini sausages and beetroot cake.
Dinner: chicken, peas and crocket potatoes.
Drinks::2 300ml mugs of milk and 2 300ml mugs of fruit juice.
Basically I was a psychopath before the incident that turned me into a cripple I just didn't understand morality and I thought that the word of law was a good enough moral guide. I didn't understand how feelings worked, I still don't for the most part but I am attempting to become more human. After the accident a girl told me that she loved me and she asked me to to be her boyfriend so I accepted foolishly expecting to pick the whole relationship thing up as I went along, big mistake I never did. I never understood pretty much anything about her; so that is my reason, not excuse, for the failure in the relationship. During the relationship I had certain psycopathic tendencies just as I have had my whole life but never anymore so than in the first couple of years after our breakup I regressed into a more psychotic state then I moved on with my life as I had to. The next thing that happened to me was I went to a college not one of those American colleges which are really universities, and in this college I met someone that I felt attracted to, not as in love, just as in pulled towards. Anyway what is love, I have no idea, if it is just a feeling of liking someone a lot then yeah I'd admit it I love her but it also could be said that I love a couple of other things also, or if it's more than that then could someone please tell me what? But now stating that where anyone could just read it makes me feel like a pedophile as I'm older than her. It may only be by something like 2 years but anyway, I feel like a pedophile I know It's not actually a dictionary definition of a pedophile it's just that she looked very young so I didn't actually find her appearance attractive at first but it grew on me. But her personality was what drew me in.
Amendment: a Pedophile is a person that's sexually attracted to children at the time of the above incident I was 18 or something like that and she was 16 or something like that about the time that I first saw her so she looked about her age but some of the others that were her age were looking to be more like 18 year olds, you know that compulsion with young girls to look as old as possible and the older ones is to look as young as possible, so perplexing. and I thought that me being a 18 year old male is no longer classified as a minor, I was thinking, but her being 16 which is classified as a minor, so I was thinking that could classify me as a pedophile, especially if I was as old as I was thing for the time, which was something like 50.
Amendment 2: I currently think that I loved her, but I maybe mistaken but the smell that I smelled (obviously) that one time deffinatly when I was near to her... Know that humans aren't supposed to give off pheromones but so far there has been 1 person that has been interested in me enough to ask me to be a boyfriend for and that smell it may not be the most pleasant of smells but it had similar properties to a narcotic for me at least. I could smell a similar smell around this new person also.
Amendment 3: I truly hope that this person gets everything out of this life which includes a better boyfriend (or girlfriend [as we all know we have to be PC now]) than I (a muted moron) could ever have been, as she deserves it.
Amendment 4: by the term "I loved her" I mean it in the most positive way I can think of, at least I think that accurately describes my feeling on the matter as I'm not too good at describing feelings especially not that one emotion that I may have only used once before in my life, and the next part amendment was more out of fear than any kind of other emotion, by that I don't mean the fear of rejection, I can deal with that I mean the fear of being accepted and discovering however small the possibility that she also felt those emotions towards me as I don't know how I'd react to that most startling revelation.
So why have I suddenly decided to write about my feeling? don't worry I won't make a habit of it. I can't make a habit of it, as I don't have a very deep kind of personality to start with. I have no idea why I decided to type about it today it could be the thing about this being the double unlucky day so to all my readers that's unlucky for you.
In fitness today I started off by doing 40 press-ups, now it's just 90 more. I should do 240 sit-ups 280 crunches and squats. But instead I only did 120 of each of the 3 formally mentioned which just leaves me with 120 sit-ups and 160 more of crunches and squats, that was for the before lunch time work-out. After lunch I decided to do a row so I started off by telling myself It should be a 1 hour row today, then I negotiated myself down to half an hour then it was just 10 minutes as I had noticed that in in the approximately 8th minute I was stroking at 50+strokes per minute so I stopped at 10 minutes and as the back right foot f the rower had come off 467 strokes was what it said on the stroke counter,
so I completed my 500 strokes and the clock that is on the rower said 11:16 or something like that. Then it was the time to go to the gym. while I was at the gym I basically did 30 minutes on the exercise bike and then on 4 of the 5 arms weights machines I did 20 repetitions at the correct weight thee on 1 of the leg weight machines I did 20 repetitions on at the weight that the machine was set at as I didn't want any trouble with me putting it to a "too high" weight as it was Tini that I was having being my instructor for today and she even objected to the weight that the machine was at to start with it was only on 30 I weight greater than double that so I should bee able to lift that with my legs. Then I returned to my place of residence and I completed another 90 press-ups so that should be that up to date this month, 120 sit-ups so that's 2 exercises, 180 crunches and 50 squats before I had to go down to eat my dinner, then i did 180 squats. so I have done 30 extra of both crunches and squats (20 of each). .
So today was the double unlucky day. 21.88 was my BMI for this the unluckiest of days, so I hope your ready for the following heap of... I don't know what to call it but misfortune maybe? I don't even know why I typed it.
Breakfast: cereal, apple and banana.
Lunch: porkpie, scotch eggs, mini sausages and beetroot cake.
Dinner: chicken, peas and crocket potatoes.
Drinks::2 300ml mugs of milk and 2 300ml mugs of fruit juice.
Basically I was a psychopath before the incident that turned me into a cripple I just didn't understand morality and I thought that the word of law was a good enough moral guide. I didn't understand how feelings worked, I still don't for the most part but I am attempting to become more human. After the accident a girl told me that she loved me and she asked me to to be her boyfriend so I accepted foolishly expecting to pick the whole relationship thing up as I went along, big mistake I never did. I never understood pretty much anything about her; so that is my reason, not excuse, for the failure in the relationship. During the relationship I had certain psycopathic tendencies just as I have had my whole life but never anymore so than in the first couple of years after our breakup I regressed into a more psychotic state then I moved on with my life as I had to. The next thing that happened to me was I went to a college not one of those American colleges which are really universities, and in this college I met someone that I felt attracted to, not as in love, just as in pulled towards. Anyway what is love, I have no idea, if it is just a feeling of liking someone a lot then yeah I'd admit it I love her but it also could be said that I love a couple of other things also, or if it's more than that then could someone please tell me what? But now stating that where anyone could just read it makes me feel like a pedophile as I'm older than her. It may only be by something like 2 years but anyway, I feel like a pedophile I know It's not actually a dictionary definition of a pedophile it's just that she looked very young so I didn't actually find her appearance attractive at first but it grew on me. But her personality was what drew me in.
Amendment: a Pedophile is a person that's sexually attracted to children at the time of the above incident I was 18 or something like that and she was 16 or something like that about the time that I first saw her so she looked about her age but some of the others that were her age were looking to be more like 18 year olds, you know that compulsion with young girls to look as old as possible and the older ones is to look as young as possible, so perplexing. and I thought that me being a 18 year old male is no longer classified as a minor, I was thinking, but her being 16 which is classified as a minor, so I was thinking that could classify me as a pedophile, especially if I was as old as I was thing for the time, which was something like 50.
Amendment 2: I currently think that I loved her, but I maybe mistaken but the smell that I smelled (obviously) that one time deffinatly when I was near to her... Know that humans aren't supposed to give off pheromones but so far there has been 1 person that has been interested in me enough to ask me to be a boyfriend for and that smell it may not be the most pleasant of smells but it had similar properties to a narcotic for me at least. I could smell a similar smell around this new person also.
Amendment 3: I truly hope that this person gets everything out of this life which includes a better boyfriend (or girlfriend [as we all know we have to be PC now]) than I (a muted moron) could ever have been, as she deserves it.
Amendment 4: by the term "I loved her" I mean it in the most positive way I can think of, at least I think that accurately describes my feeling on the matter as I'm not too good at describing feelings especially not that one emotion that I may have only used once before in my life, and the next part amendment was more out of fear than any kind of other emotion, by that I don't mean the fear of rejection, I can deal with that I mean the fear of being accepted and discovering however small the possibility that she also felt those emotions towards me as I don't know how I'd react to that most startling revelation.
So why have I suddenly decided to write about my feeling? don't worry I won't make a habit of it. I can't make a habit of it, as I don't have a very deep kind of personality to start with. I have no idea why I decided to type about it today it could be the thing about this being the double unlucky day so to all my readers that's unlucky for you.
In fitness today I started off by doing 40 press-ups, now it's just 90 more. I should do 240 sit-ups 280 crunches and squats. But instead I only did 120 of each of the 3 formally mentioned which just leaves me with 120 sit-ups and 160 more of crunches and squats, that was for the before lunch time work-out. After lunch I decided to do a row so I started off by telling myself It should be a 1 hour row today, then I negotiated myself down to half an hour then it was just 10 minutes as I had noticed that in in the approximately 8th minute I was stroking at 50+strokes per minute so I stopped at 10 minutes and as the back right foot f the rower had come off 467 strokes was what it said on the stroke counter,
so I completed my 500 strokes and the clock that is on the rower said 11:16 or something like that. Then it was the time to go to the gym. while I was at the gym I basically did 30 minutes on the exercise bike and then on 4 of the 5 arms weights machines I did 20 repetitions at the correct weight thee on 1 of the leg weight machines I did 20 repetitions on at the weight that the machine was set at as I didn't want any trouble with me putting it to a "too high" weight as it was Tini that I was having being my instructor for today and she even objected to the weight that the machine was at to start with it was only on 30 I weight greater than double that so I should bee able to lift that with my legs. Then I returned to my place of residence and I completed another 90 press-ups so that should be that up to date this month, 120 sit-ups so that's 2 exercises, 180 crunches and 50 squats before I had to go down to eat my dinner, then i did 180 squats. so I have done 30 extra of both crunches and squats (20 of each). .
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