Day 2258 - What Should I Do With My Life (3);

Day 2258 - What Should I Do With My Life (3);

Now I’ve been wondering what I should do with my life for a while now… by that I mean many years, I’m not sure if it comes to decades yet but certainly about a decade, maybe more years than that but I’m not sure of whether I’d classify anymore as anymore, as back then it was a very dark place in my skull. Not that you’d realise it as I had this permanent grin basically plastered to my face, like the Joker in a way, which I’m unsure if I still have.

I had been thinking of things that I could do, but what are they? I ain’t got a clue, now I’m a man, male human, I’m not the biggest nor am I the smallest man. I’m also a bit thick, but then again I don’t generally get asked too complex questions, as I cannot speak and it may take me a while to answer which sometimes gives me longer to think about a response. I’m not the strongest but I think that I’m one of the weakest as while I am out there cycling many of the other cyclists are out there chatting away to everyone while I’m peddling as hard as possible to keep myself in touch with them. Then there’s Mich who’s on the front of the tandem, he can speak so he’s excellent for all the talking with other cyclists, and his eyes actually work which is a positive thing if you need to know the way you are going on the bike which you ultimately do, whereas mine do work some of the time; but by no means enough for on a road with cars, motorcycles, busses, or even other cyclists not to mention the occasional pedestrian.

I have thought about becoming a Paralympian of which I would like to become one but then in what sport? Cycling…? No I couldn’t I’m no way near good enough to become one of the Paralympic cyclists, especially not for Team GB, or should it be Team UK now to show our solidarity with the Northern Irish? Oh politics if you were a woman how much I would not like to date you. But now I know that I have actually been told that I should be a Paralympic Skier on multiple occasions by multiple people but sadly none of the people actually have the correct status within the institutions of Team “GB” to actually do anything about it and then there’s me who’s stumped on the question “how?” I asked a Scotsman (or was he Irish), and he basically told me to get into a local ski racing team and so this is how far I have got on that; looking at the local ski racing club and waiting on Mich as he has said that he’ll do the talking for me.

Then again my life could mean something if I was to father some children, but that comes with some additional difficulties as I would need to find a woman that likes me enough to have me father her children, and then I’d also need to get a job that pays enough to support my new family; which is a difficulty. So I had another idea which I thought of after they were saying on the radio the other year that what a child needs is a actually family unit, as in with 2 parents, it doesn’t matter what the two parents are as in a mother and father, two mothers or even two fathers, there was none of this 150+ genders lark back then, at least not in the mainstream. So I was going to ask some friends of mine who were reportedly Lezzbo’s if they and their partners wanted to have children as I could help them with that. I asked one and I got told that she had a BF now and she blocked me from her social media, so that didn’t go well and then there was another but I found out that she had a BF before the conversation got that far, so I fortunately still have her as a friend.

Now it was about 3-4 years ago and Tini started suggesting interest in becoming a Grandparent, I thought that's strange she's never really been the type of person for the getting old that it would enevitably entail. So I was looking for a girl/woman that I could perhaps get with in order to facilitate such things happening and the result would be children... but I couldn't think of any that would like to have some, with me. Then I was typing with a friend of mine, who I'm going to call Lily, she told me that she would like two children; one male and one female. I told Lily that I've got some things to do first but assuming I pull them off I'd attempt to help her out if I could in getting the children. As it would be an answer of both Lily's and Tini's dreams, killing two birds with one stone, and then I may get to learn what love is by the end of it, so bonus? Especially as a person that we both knew used to say that I loved her, but I didn't know what love actually is and still don't. Anyway I have been told not to bother by the person I was attempting to help with my crazy idea as she likes me as a friend; so I think I have been Friend Zoned.

Then later on that year I found out why Tini had been getting all giddy over Grandchildren it was as she had one coming along in the form of Emu's and C child which arrived with us just about 27 months ago. Do any of you know the old children rhyme (I think) which goes...

"First comes love 
Then comes marriage 
Then comes baby 
In a baby carriage!"

I don't really think that would work for me, however if the baby was to come first, as to show the necessity of the two people staying together. Then the two people were to get married as there would be a child, a new life, into this godforsaken cesspit of a world which you should be trying to make better for the future; for your child's future at least. Finally it should be love, if you can find any, be it in the new life that you have helped bring to this world, or be it in the arms of your partner in matrimony; or be it in both.